Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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