i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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