im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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