How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
