there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
