She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
