I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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