I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
