Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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