Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
