I bet he comes in French.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
