We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
