You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
