Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
