She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
