I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
