I just cut my nipple shaving
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
