Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
