He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
