well most of my day revolves around power hour
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
