He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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