Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
