Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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