i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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