I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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