I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
