i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just blew my weed a kiss
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
