I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
