Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize