If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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