If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
