Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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