Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
