Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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