You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
