btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize