I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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