Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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