I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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