well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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