I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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