I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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