My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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