i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
