I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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