If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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