Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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