she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
