my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
