They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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