I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize