Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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