i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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