I'm lost and stupid without you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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