An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had sex on a roof
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
