and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize