Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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